Hot, Holy, and Humorous by J. Parker

Author:J. Parker
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3
Publisher: BroadStreet Publishing Group LLC
Published: 2016-04-06T04:00:00+00:00

Should You Go Along with His Sexual Fantasy?

How do you decide whether to go along with his sexual fantasy? Many of the same questions apply here as in the previous section. But here are some more guidelines on whether to act out a sexual fantasy together.

Does it remind him of pornography? One question wives have asked is: “Hubby wants to do X, which he saw in porn. Should I do it?” I don’t believe that anything and everything in porn is off the table; after all, porn shows intercourse, and that’s clearly on God’s go-to-town list. To my mind, the concern appears when performing a sexual action taps into pornography. The issue is not whether the fantasy could be found in porn, but whether it brings to mind someone else. If it does, come up with a new fantasy and create memories all your own.

Is it painful rather than pleasurable? One of the expectations of sex in marriage is that it will feel good. If it doesn’t, something is amiss. Usually, people want to experience pleasure and try to avoid pain. Yet sometimes a spouse confuses the two.

Here’s one explanation for why pain in the bedroom might appeal to some. Pain can bring your attention to a localized body part. The body’s response to pain is to release natural opioids, such as endorphins, to combat the discomfort. Friction in the injured area (like when you rub a stubbed toe) can also relieve pain. The juxtaposition of these sensations, coupled with arousal, can cause people to link pain and pleasure. There’s more to it than that, but I don’t need to get into that here.

The Bible never indicates that pain should be part of sexual intimacy in marriage. The Song of Songs communicates tenderness between the two lovers. Deuteronomy 24:5 says that a newlywed man should “be free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married.” Genesis 2:24 says that the two become “one flesh.”

Ephesians 5:28–31 is clear about how we should approach our spouses’ bodies:

Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”

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